It can be so frustrating.
Making all that wonderful, albeit hard-earned, progress – dropping weight, losing inches, and feeling lighter – only for it to then come crashing down again in half the time it took you to get there.
You’ve taken those few laborious steps forward only to then wind up back at square one.
You’re not sure why, but as soon as you see the light at the end of the tunnel, things start to change.
Old habits start to creep back in, what was once easier to say ‘no’ to now becomes incredibly hard to say ‘no’ to, and the plain-sailing ship to fat loss success starts to break down.
Before you know it, you’re eating foods you weren’t before, missing gym sessions you didn’t previously, and have started to regain all that weight you lost.
Self-sabotage and its crushing tentacles of failure surface before you can even think about putting a stop to it.
It’s a frustrating and all-too-familiar phenomenon that plagues many a fat loss journey.
So, how can we break free from it?
How can we ensure we don’t ruin our hard work and are able to keep going with the fat loss goals we have?
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage occurs when our actions – whether conscious or unconscious – create obstacles that interfere with our long-term goals and wellbeing [1].
It’s the act of doing something – or not doing something – that contradicts what we’d like to achieve in the long run.
Sometimes we know we’re doing it and sometimes we don’t; either way, these self-defeating behaviours manifest in a number of ways, ranging from perfectionism and procrastination, to self-neglect, and even people-pleasing.
-> It’s noticing you’ve lost a few pounds and deciding to ‘reward’ yourself with a takeaway at the weekend.
-> It’s realising you need to buy smaller jeans and then taking some time off from the gym.
-> It’s actually making changes to your body and finding yourself ignoring all the work that got you to that stage.
Self-sabotage is actively or passively recreating patterns of failure or disappointment that feel familiar and, paradoxically, safe. It’s a defence mechanism against the anxiety of potential success (i.e., losing weight) and/or the fear of the unknown (i.e., what will happen when I lose more weight?).
This mental sabotage – and its subsequent actions – aims to protect you from some of your deepest fears.
It’s why we don’t even know it’s happening sometimes.
Ultimately, it’s why you make such sterling progress in a short space of time only to end up back at ground zero in a crumpled, unhappy mess.
The Good News: Weight Loss Self-Sabotage Isn’t Necessarily Your Fault
The Physiological Reasons
The familiar story of losing weight quickly in a short period of time only to wind up back at square one (and often worse) rings true worldwide.
Is this your fault, though?
Our bodies are instinctively designed to resist restriction, responding with powerful biological signals that heighten hunger and increase the allure of food — especially those rich, hyperpalatable combinations of fat, salt, and sugar [2].
What feels like self-sabotage is often a protective response — the body’s way of guarding against perceived deprivation.
The more – and harder – you diet, the more cravings sharpen and the urge to eat grows stronger.
Hormones like ghrelin rise, signalling the need for food, while leptin falls, quieting the sense of fullness. Together, these shifts make it increasingly difficult to resist, pulling you deeper into the very cycle you’re trying to escape [3].
What feels like a lack of discipline or motivation – and subsequently self-sabotage – is just your body’s way of saying, ‘Hold up, I really can’t stand the thought of missing out on more food, so I’m going to help myself here and make you eat more.’
Add to this the trigger of stress hormones, blurry decision-making, and the body’s desire to maintain a certain ‘set point’ weight following unexpected weight loss, and you can see why it appears your body is continually acting against your best wishes.
Before you know it, you’re now consuming those very same foods you’d managed to avoid for the past few weeks.
The Psychological Reasons
Sometimes, it’s not your body but your brain working against you.
One prominent reason people may sabotage their weight loss goals is because they want to stay in a state of psychological homeostasis.
Individuals will hold themselves back just to stay in a familiar state, even if it’s unpleasant. This fear of change can show up as habits that keep them stuck in the same old struggles.
Why work on changing nutritional or exercise habits when it’s hard? Why would you want to give up eating or drinking certain things that make you feel comfortable? Why go through the struggle of stepping outside your comfort zone?
This resistance to change, rooted in the fear of the unknown, can manifest as self-defeating behaviours.
People start to eat more, exercise less, or ignore their new habits to pursue that comfort and familiarity.
Additionally, self-sabotage can often be explained by a deep-seated negative view of yourself. If you were frequently criticised, ignored, or hurt growing up, you may believe you don’t deserve success or happiness.
This unconscious self-perception (i.e. ‘you should always be overweight’) becomes a quiet self-fulfilling prophecy, gently guiding choices and behaviours that seem to prove its own limiting beliefs, slowly reinforcing the story it already believes to be true.
That famous scientist, Freud, also coined the concept of the ‘superego’ – the internalised voice of parental and societal expectations.
If someone’s inner critic is too harsh, they might unknowingly ruin their own chances as a way to punish themselves or ease guilt about feeling successful or happy.
Whether it be wanting to lose weight but believing thin people are arrogant, or wanting to flaunt a slimmer figure but being repeatedly told you’re stronger when ‘bigger,’ or wanting to lose body fat but feeling safe in a ‘larger’ physique, hidden beliefs can constantly clash with conscious goals.
Ultimately, we must overcome a deluge of psychological hurdles to release ourselves from the habits – and physique – we’ve held onto for years.
Recognising Your Self-Sabotage Behaviours
Sometimes self-sabotage hits you right in the face.
You know you’re rewarding yourself with the piece of cake having lost weight, or you’re aware you’re taking ‘time off’ from your diet because you’ve been doing so well recently, or you suddenly notice you’re looking different in the mirror, become scared, and consciously order a takeaway to feel that comfort of being in a larger body again.
Sometimes, however, self-sabotage goes unnoticed.
Self-destructive behaviours surreptitiously sneak into your life and, before you know it, you’ve lost all that progress but can’t figure out why.
Procrastination
Procrastination is that silent force preventing you from following through on ambitions and worthwhile pursuits.
It’s an emotional problem, surfacing from a footing of adverse feelings [4]. It serves as a defence against the anxiety related to potential failure or success.
People will display various coping mechanisms to deal with their procrastination.
From self-justification (for example, “Crafting the perfect gym plan in my neatly-colour-coordinated, Excel spreadsheet is a must”) to denial (for example, “Looking up pictures of a fried halloumi salad is the inspiration I need to make something healthy”), such strategies only reinforce self-sabotage behaviours.
It’s a vicious cycle, whereby immediate relief prompts a feeling of reward and, as we crave that swift feeling of pleasure, we’re likely to seek an instant reprieve yet again.
This constant tug of war between two seemingly different people – the person who wants and the person who does – results, typically, in nothing being done.
Fear Of Success
With body composition changes comes a new individual. New clothes, new levels of strength and fitness, new habits, and a new identity. This, ultimately, can be scary.
And with this fear arrives the potential belief that you’re not worthy of this new version of yourself.
Often masquerading as imposter syndrome – feeling fraudulent and unworthy of accomplishments, ultimately undermining success [5] – individuals will do everything in their power to avoid becoming this new person.
This perceived ‘success’ may be unconsciously equated to loss, which can lead individuals to unconsciously undermine their efforts to avoid the perceived threats associated with achievement.
If you don’t believe you’re that new individual, you won’t sculpt a physique resembling that person.
Once your identity is threatened – by attempting the latest diet, for example – you become resistant to change [6].
You put up a hardened wall around your exterior and do everything in your power to retain everything you’ve told yourself over the years.
Fear Of Failure
Those who consistently self-sabotage postulate they’ll never succeed. What’s the point in trying?
Each previous failure weighs heavy, with people having to drag those cumbersome sacks of disappointment with them, everywhere they go. Every time they experience another failure, their ability to persevere starts to drain.
Individuals with this implicit frame of mind tend to view failure as part of who they are. This often results in shying away from challenges or situations in which they’re uncertain of their ability to succeed.
These ‘helpless-oriented’ individuals tend to condemn their own abilities and lose hope for future success.
They become fixated on why they always fail – and they let those seemingly personal flaws guide their future decisions and actions.
They’ll firmly believe it’s because they lack the necessary skill set, motivation, or willpower to succeed in any physical transformation, and will let harmful behaviours sneak into their routines.
Whether it be overeating, avoiding exercising, or disregarding important healthy habits, self-sabotage soon surfaces.
Self-Criticism
Negative self-judgement and self-evaluation reinforce feelings of unworthiness and can erode self-esteem over time.
Harsh words not only shape key thoughts, like body dissatisfaction, but also often serve as a form of punishment after breaking perceived food rules.
While self-criticism surfaces as an excuse because we care about the health and fitness goals we have, it often leads to destructive behaviours in the long run.
When you’re critical, you trigger the brain’s internal threat systems, leading to restricted attention and a propensity to fixate on the negatives of a situation [7]. We use self-criticism to motivate ourselves to do something about the threat to our self-concept, ultimately trying to keep us safe.
Unfortunately, we feel anxious, angry, and insecure as a result of this critical self-talk, finally entering a defeatist attitude and giving up.
Perfectionism
Perfectionist behaviours often surface from a deep-rooted fear of inadequacy or a need to prove one’s worth.
Striving for perfection can lead to negative outcomes, such as a tendency to avoid challenges, rigid ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking, and toxic social comparisons.
It’s no wonder that setting such high standards for oneself will often lead to giving up. If you can never achieve the goals you set yourself, you never have to fully embrace the journey ahead.
Unrealistic expectations – a hallmark of perfectionism – can backfire and lead to the frequent sabotage of goals.
The paradox of perfectionism is that the drive to do well can actually impair performance and make us feel worse.
How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Weight Loss Goals Once And For All
Lose Weight The Right Way
It seems so obvious, but when you actually engage in healthy, sustainable, and effective weight loss behaviours, the propensity to self-sabotage quickly disappears.
Not only are you minimising the damage of physiological adaptations to weight loss, but also putting yourself in the best headspace to maintain the results you keep.
You’re not fighting against the perils of low-calorie diets or the need to fight through restraint and willpower to ‘stay on track’.
When you can shape your weight loss journey around:
-> Developing and practicing eating skills to carry around with you wherever you go
-> Implementing healthy emotional eating strategies
-> Engaging in varying and dedicated fat loss, maintenance, and muscle growth phases
-> Improving your relationship with food and ensuring you’re eating the right amounts for what your body truly needs
-> Mastering your mindset around meals out, encountering life’s stresses and hurdles, and removing the need for perfection
-> Developing positive and healthy self-compassion and self-talk
You avoid feelings of deprivation, negativity, and misery around weight loss, and start to enjoy and embrace the process.
When you can ditch the archaic quick-fix and misery-inducing dieting rules of old, and reshape your views around how weight loss should happen properly, you start to avoid those familiar self-destructive behaviours.
Redefine The Concept Of Progress
When it comes to self-sabotage, the problem isn’t progress itself but the way you define progress.
If you’re only worried about bodyweight, body fat, or physical changes, you’re stuck in an outcome-based mindset.
You become reactive and force yourself to engage in unhealthy and unsustainable behaviours in order to see numbers change.
You become programmed to be reward-driven (i.e., ‘Well done, you lost two pounds this week!’), and when that reward doesn’t surface, parts of your brain are stimulated to shut down motivation and effort.
Over time, those same parts of your brain may even cause you to stop trying before you’ve even started (i.e., ‘You’ve tried this before and failed; why go through it again?’).
The answer to overcome this problem is to a) invest in an online weight loss coach and b) change your progress markers:
-> Can you choose one eating skill or behaviour to improve with, rather than trying to lose body fat?
-> Can you work on your consistency in the gym instead of forcing yourself into a smaller dress size?
-> Can you develop a healthy relationship with food instead of worrying about how much you weigh?
When you start to shift your attention to behaviours and mindset shifts, you’re far more likely to see continual improvements rather than getting frustrated when the number on the scales doesn’t change.
And, importantly, your body changes anyway.
Get Curious
Self-inquiry, or the practice of simply asking yourself questions, helps you dig deep into beliefs, thought processes, fears, and why you execute certain actions.
In writing down your thoughts, you better access your subconscious thoughts compared to just ‘thinking it through’ in your head.
Consider answering these questions or journaling your thoughts about these inquiries:
-> Write down a goal you’ve had for a long time but have yet to accomplish
-> Are there particular facets of this goal where you delay making a decision or lack motivation?
-> Is there a task that causes you stress or anxiety because you know you could follow through better?
-> Describe a situation where your emotions or thoughts have led to self-sabotage.
Now, review the following information:
-> Understand the need your self-sabotage fills.
To eliminate self-destructive behaviours, you need to display levels of self-compassion. Your self-sabotage serves a purpose; you must avoid self-judgement and understand it’s serving a function.
-> What are your self-sabotaging behaviours doing for you? How can you be more understanding of the situation?
-> What are other actions or thought processes you can implement when you experience a self-destructive situation?
-> Can you reframe your thoughts? What is the difference between the close-minded, self-sabotaging thought versus the open-minded, reframed thought?
Master Emotional Self-Regulation
Not only do uncomfortable emotions lead to people using food as a coping mechanism (i.e., ‘I’m sad, so I need a piece of cheesecake to help me feel better’), but those very same emotions lead people to shirk away from painful moments (i.e., self-sabotaging weight loss endeavours).
An inability to flexibly respond to and manage emotional states, results in intense and prolonged emotional reactions that deviate from social norms.
Yes, self-sabotage.
Through holding space for awkward emotions, however, you build emotional tolerance — an essential facet of emotional self-regulation. This skill allows you to sit with discomfort without being swept away by compulsive behaviours, often to the detriment of your weight loss and health-based goals.
-> When you’re faced with a fear of success, you can embrace that anxiety
-> When you try and eschew challenging tasks, you can sit with that hardship
-> When you feel frustrated with your efforts, you can lean into those doubts
The more comprehensive the range of feelings we can regulate – if we can manage the frustration, disappointment, envy, and sadness – the more space we have to cultivate happiness and avoid reaching for food as the first port of call.
Emotional tolerance is honed through repeated practice.
The act of pausing to explore your emotions with curiosity and patience is a crucial step in refining both emotional awareness and tolerance.
With each practice, you’re not only becoming more adept at recognising your emotions but also more resilient in facing them without succumbing to compulsion. This consistent effort is what will lead to a long-term solution to self-sabotage.
Ultimately, though, developing emotional granularity, cultivating acceptance-based mindfulness strategies, learning to regulate distress, and engaging in long-term coping skills all forge to create successful and healthy emotional regulation, which means you no longer have to constantly use food as your primary coping mechanism [8].
Be Wary Of Moral Licensing
One of the most prominent forms of self-sabotage people experience is moral licensing [9].
This is the notion that you permit yourself to do something ‘bad’, once you’ve completed something that makes you feel ‘good’.
Detrimental behaviours are made personally acceptable when they’re portrayed as socially or morally valuable. They create a positive feedback loop, allowing individuals to continue with the very same behaviours that incite failure.
When people believe they’ve performed an act aligned with their goals or identity, they’re more likely to then follow it with a contradictory behaviour.
Individuals relax because they believe they’ve done ‘well’, only to engage in actions that eradicate that very same progress.
Many will say, for example, “I went to the gym today, so I can consume four of the Nutella-filled doughnuts”, only then having to start the same journey again the following day. Excuses serve to placate any feelings of disgrace.
Start noticing if you’re giving yourself credit for positive action that makes you forget the bigger picture. Think, ‘I did that because I want to,’ not, ‘I did great last week, now I can take my foot off the gas’.
Work On Your Self-Esteem
Self-esteem reflects the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings we possess about ourselves and is an indication of how much we value ourselves.
Those with high self-esteem are self-assured of their values and principles. They have complete trust in their ability in certain tasks, display greater emotional stability, and view themselves – and their bodies – in a positive light.
Those with low self-esteem feel, however, that their opinions aren’t important. They doubt their chances of success, and frequently experience negative emotions in relation to their lives and physiques.
It’s no coincidence that those with low self-esteem frequently self-sabotage.
As per the points above, it’s time to change the metrics by which you measure your success and progress. You must control what you can control.
Instead of being dictated by the number on the scales or how you look in photos, it’s time to focus on your behaviours. When you can ‘win’ this game, you start elevating favourable levels of confidence.
It’s also important to remember that those with high self-esteem don’t always believe they’re awesome or that they’re always going to succeed; people with healthy self-esteem are actually just comfortable with the fact that they’re not awesome at everything.
And that’s really all self-esteem is: accepting yourself for who you are with all your flaws.
We must first acknowledge that we possess undesirable traits and habits before we start the journey to self-improvement – whether physical or mental.
We can now face the things we must work on without beating ourselves up.
1. What Is Self-Sabotage In Weight Loss?
Self-sabotage in weight loss happens when your behaviours – knowingly or unknowingly – undermine your fat loss progress. Self-sabotage is actively or passively recreating patterns of failure or disappointment that feel familiar and, paradoxically, safe. It’s a defence mechanism against the anxiety of potential success (i.e., losing weight) and/or the fear of the unknown (i.e., what will happen when I lose more weight?).
Physiological factors: Increased hunger hormones (ghrelin) and decreased fullness hormones (leptin) after dieting
Psychological factors: Fear of success, fear of failure, or low self-esteem
Many people regain weight because their bodies resist prolonged calorie restriction. This triggers powerful biological signals that increase hunger and make high-calorie foods more appealing.
At the same time, your brain may resist change and prefer the comfort of familiar routines, even if those routines contributed to weight gain. This resistance to change, rooted in the fear of the unknown, can manifest as self-defeating behaviours.
Both a fear of success and a fear of failure can unconsciously derail your weight loss journey:
Fear of success: You may feel unworthy of a healthier body or worry about lifestyle changes that come with reaching your goal.
Fear of failure: Past struggles can make you believe it’s pointless to try again.
Both can cause you to avoid workouts, overeat, or abandon healthy habits, keeping you stuck at your current weight.
Typical self-sabotaging behaviours that can ruin fat loss progress include:
–> Moral Licensing – justifying unhealthy eating after ‘being good’
-> Perfectionism – quitting when you can’t follow your plan perfectly
-> Procrastination – overplanning instead of taking action
-> Negative Self-Talk – criticising yourself until motivation drops
-> Fear-Based Avoidance – resisting change because it feels uncomfortable
Recognising these patterns is the first step in stopping them.
To overcome frequent and painful self-sabotage, focus on these sustainable strategies:
-> Improve your relationship with food and how you lose weight
-> Get curious and identify your self-sabotage patterns and behaviours
-> Set process-based goals instead of outcome-based goals
-> Practice emotional regulation to avoid using food as your main coping mechanism
-> Replace perfectionism with progress-based thinking
-> Work on building self-compassion and self-esteem
References
1. Gale, H. (2018). The mind monster solution: How to overcome self-sabotage and reclaim your life. Yellow Kite.
2. Winter, S. R., Feig, E. H., Kounios, J., Erickson, B., Berkowitz, S., & Lowe, M. R. (2016). The relation of hedonic hunger and restrained eating to lateralized frontal activation. Physiology & Behavior, 163, 64–69.
3. Sumithran, P., Prendergast, L. A., Delbridge, E., Purcell, K., Shulkes, A., Kriketos, A., & Proietto, J. (2011). Long-term persistence of hormonal adaptations to weight loss. The New England Journal of Medicine, 365(17), 1597–1604.
4. Sirois, F.M., & Pychyl, T. A. (2016). Procrastination, Emotion Regulation, and Well-Being. In Sirois, F.M., & Pychyl, T. A. Procrastination, Health, and Well-Being (pp. 163-188). Elsevier.
5. Zanchetta, M., Junker, S., Wolf, A.-M., & Traut-Mattausch, E. (2020). “Overcoming the fear that haunts your success” – The effectiveness of interventions for reducing the impostor phenomenon. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 405.
6. Walton, G. M., & Cohen, G. L. (2007). A question of belonging: Race, social fit, and achievement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(1), 82–96
7. Longe, O., Maratos, F. A., Gilbert, P., Evans, G., Volker, F., Rockliff, H., & Rippon, G. (2010). Having a Word with Yourself: Neural Correlates of Self-Criticism and Self-Reassurance. Neurolmage, 49, 1849-1856.
8. 4. Kozak, A. T., & Fought, A. (2011). Beyond alcohol and drug addiction: Does the negative trait of low distress tolerance have an association with overeating? Appetite, 57(3), 578–581.
9. Sachdeva, S., Iliev, R., Medin, D. L. (2009). Sinning saints and saintly sinners: The paradox of moral self-regulation. Psychological Science. 20(4) 523-528.
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