The Science of Self-Talk: How Words Shape Your Health and Body

‘I can’t believe I overate at dinner again; why am I such a failure?’

‘I can’t stop snacking; I’m absolutely useless and will never shift this weight’

‘I am so disgusting; I can’t even get to the gym regularly, and I continually eat so much’.

These stinging remarks are all too familiar amongst those trying to conquer their health and fitness habits. 

And, while they may seem helpful on the surface, this aggressive and defiant form of self-talk does little to force us into sustainable and healthy action. 

Attempting to talk ourselves into healthy change via an uncompromising approach – specifically around the slip-ups and oversights we inevitably encounter – isn’t the answer we’ve been looking for.

Strict self-talk actually leads to worse long-term outcomes and, ultimately, performance levels later down the line.

-> So, why are we so self-critical?

-> What are healthy types of self-talk?

-> How can we put ourselves in the best possible headspace to coax our bodies into doing what our brains want them to do?

Well, here’s how:

Why Are We So Self-Critical?

We all engage in ‘self-talk’ – the ability to talk to ourselves in our minds as we process, or comment on the happenings around us.

Unfortunately, this self-talk often surfaces as self-criticism – a form of negative self-judgement and self-evaluation [1].

People can feel controlled and ‘beaten down’ by their own self-criticism and so use it as a form of self-monitoring.

It’s far easier to be harsh on ourselves – ‘You overate again, you idiot!’ – than it is to be kind to ourselves – ‘It’s OK that you found it hard’. 

It’s no surprise that self-criticism is associated with greater eating disorder pathology because it exacerbates feelings of shame [2].

We resort to self-criticism to:

-> Firstly, try and correct our slip-ups and

-> Secondly, as a form of motivation to ‘do better’

In a world that eulogises hard work and ‘hustle,’ we believe that we need to always be ‘motivated’ or that we need to push ourselves to significant levels of deprivation and misery to achieve the goals we have.

It makes sense, therefore, to berate ourselves into change. 

Unfortunately, self-criticism is less ‘helpful’ and more ‘kicking yourself when you’re down’.

When you’re critical, you trigger the brain’s internal threat systems, leading to restricted attention and a propensity to fixate on the negatives of a situation [3]. We use self-criticism to motivate ourselves to do something about the threat to our self-concept, ultimately trying to keep us safe.

Unfortunately, we feel anxious, angry, and insecure as a result of this critical self-talk, finally entering a defeatist attitude and giving up.

In the realm of eating and weight management, harsh self-criticism can weaken self-regulation, as individuals may turn to uncontrolled eating (i.e., give me all the food!) to cope with the negative emotions it generates.

Self-criticism not only shapes key thoughts, like body dissatisfaction, but also often serves as a form of punishment after breaking perceived food rules.

While self-criticism surfaces as an excuse because we care about the health and fitness goals we have, it will never lead to long-lasting change.

Add this to our desire for perfectionism and the belief that if we’re constantly critical of ourselves, others will think more highly of us; then, you can see we have a problem. 

Negative self-talk, ultimately, leads to failure, not success.

Another Problem: Self-Attacking

While both self-criticism and self-attacking involve negative self-talk, self-attacking is a more extreme and destructive form of self-criticism. It involves a strong sense of self-loathing and a wish to punish oneself.

When you engage in self-talk such as:

-> ‘I’m not good enough for this health stuff’

-> ‘Do not screw this up again’

-> ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

You create shame, self-doubt, and increase the likelihood of falling for the same mistakes again.

There’s further evidence to show that self-attacking is also a defence mechanism, frequently rooted in past social rejection [4]. 

When you tell yourself, ‘I can’t try again; I’m only going to fail’, you’re responding to your brain’s internalised shame-based responses from past rejections or criticisms. 

And when you tell yourself, ‘If I criticise myself, I’ll finally do better’, you’re seeking to avoid rejection or feeling inferior. 

This mindset creates constant pressure to prove yourself, making it difficult to feel secure and confident in your own worth.

Ultimately, self-attacking is a harmful pattern of negative self-talk and behaviour, whereby you continually remind yourself of your perceived failures and shortcomings.

While it may appear to help meet goals and change habits, constantly bathing yourself in criticism leads to you feeling worse over time and a complete lack of motivation and desire to make any changes whatsoever. 

What Are The Different Types Of Self-Talk?

Our minds tend to adopt unhelpful thinking patterns – and, therefore, unhelpful self-talk – which is often habitual, inaccurate, and negatively biased.

While there are, of course, positive examples of self-talk (i.e., ‘I’m going to try my best’ or ‘I can handle this particular challenge’), negative self-talk is often more familiar to us. 

While they may not always be so apparent, often bubbling beneath the surface of true awareness, these unhelpful statements drive our decision-making, often to our detriment. 

Here are some examples:

Black And White Self-Talk 

Your self-talk splits things into just two categories, with nothing in between. You create false dichotomies around situations, leading to an ‘all or nothing’ mentality. 

‘I wish I wasn’t so lazy. Why can’t I be super motivated like everyone else?’

It’s not as if you’re always incredibly lazy and everyone else is always super motivated. But when you divide your actions into these two camps, that’s how life starts to appear. 

And when you find yourself not motivated, you believe you’re only ‘lazy’, which is, of course, a detrimental way of thinking.

Overgeneralisation

This type of self-talk involves drawing broad, often negative, conclusions from a single event or piece of evidence, therefore assuming that something will always happen negatively. 

‘I struggled to practice my mindful eating skills today, so there’s no way I’ll be able to succeed with any other behaviour changes’

This pessimistic outlook not only impacts self-confidence but can also contribute to feelings of hopelessness.

These ‘helpless-oriented’ individuals tend to condemn their own abilities and lose hope for future success. They become fixated on why they always fail – and they let those seemingly personal flaws guide their future decisions.

Selective Abstraction

This type of ‘mental filtering’ means individuals focus on a single, negative detail of a situation and ignore the scenario’s larger context or even positive aspects.

‘I didn’t lose any weight this week, so what’s the point? I’ve probably ruined everything, so I’m just going to stop’

Instead of considering the entire experience – behaviours over the week improving or there being ‘fat loss’, not necessarily ‘weight loss’, or important mindset shifts elsewhere – the fixation on the negative is evident, which creates a harmful platform on which to improve.

Emotional Reasoning

Individuals will use their emotions to draw – and talk themselves into – conclusions about a specific situation, even though there is evidence to the contrary.

‘I feel fat and angry today, so I need to work harder and lose more weight’

If you conclude that your emotional reaction to something is reality, you will likely engage in harmful and often futile subsequent actions. 

It’s why emotional eating is so prominent: any evidence against how they feel is disregarded in favour of the assumed ‘truth’ of their feelings.

‘Should’ Statements

Types of self-talk that are often phrased as ‘musts’ or ‘shoulds’ create rigid, unrealistic expectations and pressure to meet demands that are often unattainable. 

‘I should be leaner and must cut out all the sugar from my diet if I want to lose weight successfully’

When people inevitably fall short of these impossible standards, frustration and resentment surface, leading to feelings of shame and inadequacy. Instead of persevering, people invariably give up. 

How To Improve Your Self-Criticism

Show Self-Compassion

It’s clear that relying on the ‘threat system’ as a source of motivation and effective action-taking is a flawed approach.

The cascade of physiological activity and stress that arises from harsh self-talk fuels distress and a fear of failure. Mistakes become a self-fulfilling prophecy and energise the harsh inner critic for next time (i.e., ‘See! I told you that you were no good.’)

Self-compassion, however, is an extremely powerful antidote to destructive self-talk. 

Self-compassion is:

 ‘The practice of responding to challenges and personal threats by treating oneself with non-judgmental understanding and kindness, acknowledging distress, and realizing that pain and struggle are part of the universal human experience.’ [5]

It’s a way to deactivate the brain’s ‘threat system’ by activating its ‘safety and soothing system,’ instead. It allows you to take responsibility and work with difficult feelings, ultimately putting you in a healthier position for change. 

Self-compassion isn’t about taking the easy path or being content with mediocre standards but about admitting we can only do the best we can with the tools we have.

It’s also important to note that there are many facets of self-compassion. It’s not solely about ‘being kind’. This superficial definition fails to capture the true qualities of compassion and often puts people off from engaging in the process. 

Here are just a few attributes of compassion:

When you’re in the midst of a difficult situation, it’s important to remember:

-> To be mindful that you’re having a tough time and facing a particular challenge

-> You are not alone in this particular struggle, and it’s part of life; it’s the ‘experience of being human’

-> To bring a sense of kindness to yourself with your self-talk using language that works for you

There’s a whole host of evidence to suggest that when you treat yourself with care instead of criticism, you’re more likely to adhere to your health and fitness ambitions [6] and, ultimately, develop healthier coping mechanisms rather than instantly turning to food [7].

Here are a few examples of compassionate self-talk:

When we accept difficult experiences as a natural part of life, we’re more likely to persevere. This resilience is essential for improving health and fitness habits.

Rather than criticising poor choices, uncomfortable emotions, or inevitable missteps, we should acknowledge the limits of human behaviour and approach these challenges with compassion.

Cognitive Restructuring

We know that individuals often engage in unhelpful cognitive distortions around their health and fitness efforts. 

Those who are only occasionally fazed by such mental distortions can identify – and then swiftly correct – their erroneous thinking patterns. They can pinpoint their flawed thinking and work to extract other, positive and beneficial thoughts and self-talk [8].

By dissecting those unhelpful thoughts and rebuilding them in a more balanced way, you’re able to make better choices. 

Through discerning a negative thought (for example, “McDonald’s is the only option here”), questioning it (for example, asking yourself, “Is this thought true?”), and generating alternatives (for example, “I could make a quick egg-omelette and have a protein shake at home instead”), we’re able to reduce stress and craft better decisions.

Even answering each emotion or circumstance with a “So what?” response will allow you to detach yourself from a thought that probably isn’t true. 

You can then begin to expose the aspects of your life you can control.

Here are three further steps for implementing Cognitive Restructuring:

-> Increasing Awareness of Thoughts

This involves pinpointing stress-related thoughts and assessing their validity. Detecting specific behaviours linked to negative emotions is crucial for identifying your triggers for harmful self-talk.

Documenting experiences, thoughts, feelings, and behaviours will increase awareness of when certain unhelpful thoughts or self-talk patterns surface.

What negative thoughts arise? (i.e., I’m useless at losing weight! I never succeed and probably never will)

What do I subsequently do with this thought? (i.e., I give up and don’t go to the gym or eat healthily anymore)

-> Challenging Negative Thoughts

Challenging negative thoughts involves restructuring and reframing them into more balanced perspectives. 

Strategies for challenging negative automatic thoughts include asking questions that evaluate evidence and implications. 

What are you afraid will happen? (i.e., I’ll continue to gain weight and damage my confidence)

What is the worst thing that could happen? (i.e., I’ll gain weight and increase my risk of disease)

Why am I so sure that it will go wrong? (i.e., I’ve read about weight gain in others)

Have you been in a similar situation before? What was the result? (i.e., I didn’t actually gain that much weight. I was probably the same as before).

-> Developing Alternative Thoughts

After considering evidence that disputes the original thought, the next step is to think of alternative thoughts to replace the old one.

How can you make each question above into an accurate statement? 

I might not gain weight if I keep doing something helpful each day

I’m probably more consistent than I think, and, after all, weight gain doesn’t happen overnight

I’m still pretty good at choosing high-protein options with my meals, and I still get out for a walk most days 

Talk In The Third-Person

The way we talk to ourselves can affect how we feel. And the way we feel can often influence our actions. 

One simple technique to openly examine a stressful or negative situation and discover adaptive ways of dealing with it is talking to yourself in the third person:

‘[Name], what emotion are you currently feeling?’

‘[Name], why are you feeling this way?’

Becoming a distant observer may increase psychological distance from the emotion, allow you to reframe the experience, and potentially reduce its emotional impact. 

One study showed that distanced self-talk facilitated emotion regulation when people reflected on personal experiences that varied in their emotional intensity [9].

Third-person self-talk can improve emotion regulation and self-control by facilitating self-distancing and reducing egocentric bias.

Befriend Your Inner Critic

When you realise and can accept that everyone has an inner critic, it becomes much easier to deal with.

When you try and fight the noise it brings – fighting that negativity with negativity – you’ll likely increase frustration and conflict and strengthen the inner critic even more.

When you relentlessly try to eradicate something — including your own thoughts — you signal to your brain that it’s dangerous (there’s that threat system, again). This means the next time it surfaces, you’re going to feel even more fear, which often leads to heightened self-criticism. 

Cue the vicious cycle.

Instead, it’s time to, firstly, acknowledge that initial criticism.

When you briefly acknowledge the criticism without dwelling on it, you give your inner critic respect but don’t allow it to push you around.

‘You snacked again, you idiot! 

Thank you for your input, Inner Critic. You think I’ve ruined everything by eating that piece of chocolate. I hear you.’

Secondly, imagine how your inner critic might be trying to help.

By briefly thinking of ways in which your inner critic might actually be trying to help you, you’re practicing psychological flexibility, which is crucial when it comes to surmounting emotionally challenging situations.

‘My inner critic is just trying to put me in the healthiest position possible. It’s just trying to protect me at the moment.’

Thirdly, if you’re still losing control and finding yourself down a rabbit hole of further self-criticism, ‘Move, Make, Meet’.

Often, the best way to start talking to yourself in a positive, healthy way is to stop thinking your way out of it and, instead, act your way out of it.

-> Move your body by doing something physical, such as going for a walk

-> Make something or do something creative

-> Meet up with someone you care about or call a friend

The next time your inner critic cries for your attention, try befriending it rather than ignoring or fighting it.

The Very Important End Of Article ‘FAQ’

1. Why Do I Talk To Myself So Harshly When I Make A Mistake With Food Or Exercise?

We often believe that being tough on ourselves will motivate us to do better. In reality, this harsh self-talk triggers the brain’s threat system, making us feel anxious and ashamed. Instead of driving improvement, it often leads to self-sabotage and further setbacks.

2. Isn’t Self-Criticism Necessary For Self-Improvement?

While it’s natural to want to hold yourself accountable, consistent self-criticism is more damaging than helpful. It creates a cycle of shame, low self-worth, and emotional distress—factors that actually weaken motivation and self-control over time. Constructive change is more likely to emerge from a place of compassion and balance, rather than punishment.

3. What’s The Difference Between Self-Criticism And Self-Attacking?

Self-criticism may involve harsh feedback, but self-attacking is deeper and more destructive – it stems from internalised shame and often includes self-loathing. Phrases like “I’m disgusting” or “I’ll never get this right” are red flags. This mindset doesn’t just hinder progress; it erodes self-confidence and reinforces a sense of failure.

4. What Types Of Negative Self-Talk Should I Be Aware Of?

Common types include black-and-white thinking, overgeneralisation, emotional reasoning, and unrealistic ‘should’ statements. These distortions make challenges feel insurmountable and failures seem like permanent truths. Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step toward changing them.

5. How Can I Start Talking To Myself More Compassionately?

Begin by acknowledging your struggle without judgment, recognising that setbacks are a normal part of life. Use language that’s kind but honest, and consider what you’d say to a friend in the same position. Self-compassion isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a powerful foundation for resilience and meaningful change.

6. Are There Any Practical Tools To Help Reshape My Self-Talk?

‘Cognitive restructuring’ allows you to challenge and reframe unhelpful thoughts into more realistic and supportive ones. Talking to yourself in the third person can also create emotional distance and clarity. And befriending your inner critic – rather than battling it – can reduce internal conflict and increase psychological flexibility.

References

1. Gilbert, P. (2000). Social mentalities: Internal “social’ conflict and the role of inner warmth and compassion in cognitive therapy. In P. Gilbert & K. G. Bailey (Eds.), Genes on the couch: Explorations in evolutionary psychotherapy (pp. 118–150). Brunner-Routledge.

2. Kelly, A. C., & Carter, J. C. (2013). Why self-critical patients present with more severe eating disorder pathology: The mediating role of shame. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 52(2), 148-161.

3. Longe, O., Maratos, F. A., Gilbert, P., Evans, G., Volker, F., Rockliff, H., & Rippon, G. (2010). Having a Word with Yourself: Neural Correlates of Self-Criticism and Self-Reassurance. Neurolmage, 49, 1849-1856.

4. Matos, M., Duarte, C., Duarte, J., Pinto-Gouveia, J., Petrocchi, N., & Gilbert, P. (2021). Cultivating the compassionate self: An exploration of the mechanisms of change in Compassionate Mind Training. Mindfulness, 13, 66-79

5. Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85-191.

6. Terry, M. L., & Leary, M. R. (2011). Self-compassion, self-regulation, and health. Self and Identity, 10(3), 352–362.

7. Duarte, C., Gilbert, P., Stalker, C., Catarino, F., Basran, J., Scott, S., Horgan, G., & Stubbs, R. J. (2021). Effect of adding a compassion-focused intervention on emotion, eating, and weight outcomes in a commercial weight management programme. Journal of Health Psychology, 26(10), 1700-1715.

8. Hope, D.A., Burns, J.A., Hayes, S.A., Herbert, J.D., & Warner, M.D. (2010). Automatic Thoughts and Cognitive Restructuring in Cognitive Behavioral Group Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 34(1), 1-12.

9. Orvell, A., Vickers, B. D., Drake, B., Verduyn, P., Ayduk, O., Moser, J., Jonides, J., & Kross, E. (2021). Does distanced self-talk facilitate emotion regulation across a range of emotionally intense experiences? Clinical Psychological Science, 9(1), 68–78.